Lessons, advice, and practical steps learned from people who are close to the end of life, caregivers, and research.
When people get older, their important things become very clear. The little problems disappear; what matters are the relationships they maintained or ended, the opportunities they missed, and the daily decisions that made up their life. This clear view has been noted many times by hospice workers, researchers, and interviews with older people — and it shows what is most important to care about now.
The five regrets people would actually say aloud.
A hospice nurse and columnist who spoke with many people in the final weeks of their lives reported the most frequent regrets. They frequently appear in other investigations and interviews of elderly individuals as well:
“I wish I’d led the life of myself, and not the life others wanted.” — regret of not living life authentically and of unfulfilled dreams.
“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” — regret of lost time with the family and quality time loss due to overwork.
“Wish sometimes that I would have the courage to express myself.” — people regret not saying love or stating the truth.
“I Wish I Had Stayed in Touch With My Friends.” — Feeling isolated and losing your friends would make you quite sad.
“I wish I had let myself be happier.” — many realize late that happiness involves choice and habit.
Regret and happiness studies teach these lessons: people regret elements of their identity, relationships, and opportunities forgone much more than material wealth. When regret happens frequently or remains unresolved, it accompanies lower life satisfaction.
Why are these regrets so oppressive? Perspective shifts: Near death, daily anxieties fall away and what mattered becomes obvious: love, meaning, and connection.
Action and inaction: Studies have found that omission of action (lost opportunities) results more often and strongly in regret than mistakes made through action. People regret all the things they never even tried more than those they tried and failed.
Social costs: Work culture, social expectations, or shame can keep people from saying what they feel or from staying connected — and those compromises compound into regrets.
What older people would most desire to share — typical advice
Elder interviews and questionnaires of various cultures provide the same, practical advice to the young. These are not mystical sayings; they are simple requests from the people who have lived long enough to be aware of what matters:
Choose your life, don’t let others choose it for you. (Follow core values and small daily commitments to what matters.)
Don’t let your job swallow your life. Spend time with your family and your buddies — these relationships pay the most.
Spread love and truth fast. Inform others you are interested in them; mend relationships while you are able.
Keep strong friendships. Phone calls, visiting, and little gestures lead to strong friendships down the road.
Take care of your health and be prepared. Individuals encourage the young to invest in health, basic financial preparation, and legal/medical future planning.
These points show up in many real-life interviews and short documentaries where elders write letters to their younger selves or answer the question, “What would you tell your grandchildren?” — and the answers are steady: be kinder to yourself, take risks for what matters, and make time for others.
Things you can do today (a checklist you can implement today)
The following are evidence-based, concrete activities concerning the five big regrets and the advice of elders.
1 — Live on purpose.
Spend an hour making your list of your top 5 values. Your little decisions on a day-to-day basis should reflect these values.
Try a 30-day experiment: a tiny habit aligned with a dream (write 200 words/day, take a course, call one friend weekly).
Why: Individuals regret not living “true to themselves.” Regular little actions realign life in the long run.
2 — Rebalance life and work
Create a once-per-week “non-negotiable” time slot for family/friends (meals, walks, etc).
Here’s a rule: for each raise, boost your savings rate — and not your Lifestyle.
Why: Overwork is the most frequent late-life regret. Time invested in relationships yields lifelong dividends.
3 — Discuss your emotions and repair relationships.
Exercise the ‘two-minute courage’ rule: whenever you feel the necessity of having an important conversation, have it within two minutes of realizing it.
Write one apology or thank-you letter this month.
Why: Explaining how you feel avoids the regret of “I should have confront.”
4 — Keep friendships.
Arrange once-per-month call or coffee meeting with your friend.
Utilize simple systems (calendar reminders) to be regular — relationships wane through forgetfulness, not forgoing of love.
Why: Friends are always mentioned among the elderly’s highest hopes.
5 — Select happiness by choice
Practice gratitude: 3 little things at bedtime.
Reduce time on social media or unfollow those making you jealous.
Why: Happiness is a habit. Older people regret allowing happiness to pass by getting in the way of joy.
6 — Plan for health and end-of-life (practical safety)
Create a basic advance care plan and discuss it with family and loved ones. Make the directive readily available.
Make key legal and financial documents (such as a will and power of attorney).
Why: Practical planning relieves stress for you and your family, and senior-care associations frequently recommend it.
How to deal with regret if you are already regretful.
Regret hurts, but it can also help us make better choices. Psychological research and practical manuals recommend the following procedure:
Admit and describe the regret. Do not stuff it — be clear about what you regret. (Labelling reduces rumination.) Make repair where you can. Brief apologies or adjusted behavior have an impact. Mutually flawed repair attempts reduce long-term distress. Reflect on what you learned. Ask yourself: what am I able to do differently now? Converting regret into action puts control back in your hands. Forgive yourself and carry on. Treating yourself with kindness is related to better mental health later in life.
Resources & further reading
- Bronnie Ware — Regrets of the Dying / The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
- AARP — guides on end-of-life planning and caregiving.
- Frontiers in Psychology — research on regret and well-being.
- Practical guide on coping with regret — Verywell Mind.
Peace begins the moment you stop chasing what you think you need and start valuing what you already have!!
K
‘केचन तूफानाः मार्गं न नाशयन्ति, अपि तु तमः अपसारयन्ति यत् त्वं स्वगन्तव्यं स्पष्टं पश्येयः!!’ – K
Some people don’t try to fix things anymore — the damage runs so deep that giving up feels easier than rebuilding!!
K
